Heavy hands pushing my eyelids closed. Won’t let go. I try to
fight against this power; I try to will my eyes open, to see the blue sky one
more time, yet failing. I can hear the birds as they circle overhead, the sharp
blast of a car horn and a siren, far off in the distance. All reality is fading
away, all I can see is darkness, all I can feel is pressure, pressure to give in
to the great power forcing my eyelids down, to succumb to the desire to enter a
realm of nothingness. I know what awaits me; I have been there before, so free,
free from thought, free from the heaviness of being part of a machine. Heavy
hands push against my eyes, forcing the darkness to invade all that was I.
Silence. Caressing my brain these hands massage all the anger that was me, until
the emptiness explodes into the stark reality of what is happening. Black and
white. My eyelids open wide. A flash of a picture, a street without sounds – how
odd – the hands return, to caress me back into a dream world of darkness, of
nothings…
Blinding white light. I struggle to keep my eyes
closed, to block out the pounding in my head, the chaos and confusion that is
now me. I see you, I watch your lips move but I hear nothing, you are nobody to
me, please just leave me alone, I want to cry out, but I feel as if I am not
really here, this is just a dream, you are hurting me, I feel the knife as it
plunges into my stomach, I feel it tearing its way up to my neck. I scream, I
try to fight you but I am too weak, terrified, I rip the needles from my hands,
the blood, crimson against my pale skin, running down my arms, the mask
closes over my face, suffocating me, killing me. Why? I choke on my own vomit,
I can’t breathe, I can’t see, I can’t yell for help. The hands return, pushing
my thoughts away once again, willing the darkness to come, to take away all
that is frightening to me, to fly me to a place, safe and hidden from the
world. I don’t want to wake up; this is how I want it to be forever, just never
ending nothingness. Freedom….
fight against this power; I try to will my eyes open, to see the blue sky one
more time, yet failing. I can hear the birds as they circle overhead, the sharp
blast of a car horn and a siren, far off in the distance. All reality is fading
away, all I can see is darkness, all I can feel is pressure, pressure to give in
to the great power forcing my eyelids down, to succumb to the desire to enter a
realm of nothingness. I know what awaits me; I have been there before, so free,
free from thought, free from the heaviness of being part of a machine. Heavy
hands push against my eyes, forcing the darkness to invade all that was I.
Silence. Caressing my brain these hands massage all the anger that was me, until
the emptiness explodes into the stark reality of what is happening. Black and
white. My eyelids open wide. A flash of a picture, a street without sounds – how
odd – the hands return, to caress me back into a dream world of darkness, of
nothings…
Blinding white light. I struggle to keep my eyes
closed, to block out the pounding in my head, the chaos and confusion that is
now me. I see you, I watch your lips move but I hear nothing, you are nobody to
me, please just leave me alone, I want to cry out, but I feel as if I am not
really here, this is just a dream, you are hurting me, I feel the knife as it
plunges into my stomach, I feel it tearing its way up to my neck. I scream, I
try to fight you but I am too weak, terrified, I rip the needles from my hands,
the blood, crimson against my pale skin, running down my arms, the mask
closes over my face, suffocating me, killing me. Why? I choke on my own vomit,
I can’t breathe, I can’t see, I can’t yell for help. The hands return, pushing
my thoughts away once again, willing the darkness to come, to take away all
that is frightening to me, to fly me to a place, safe and hidden from the
world. I don’t want to wake up; this is how I want it to be forever, just never
ending nothingness. Freedom….