Little girls should smell sweet and wear ruffles and
lace
Laughing and playing with a smile on their
face
They shouldn’t be hurt or sexually
abused
Scared or beaten and physically
used
That’s what he did when I was small
He made me believe it was all my
fault
We had left my dad and my mom married
him
He abused us all what he did was a
sin
My mom she said, "I didn’t
know"
If she had she'd have made him
go
But I had told her once she even walked
in
Chose to turn a blind eye she deserted her
kin
I thought it was normal "every daddy does it,” he
said
"You’re my special girl" He fucked up my
head
Don’t tell anyone - they'll be
jealous
Your mom will bitch - then she'll yell at
us
Thought he'd send me away if I
told
Throw me in the woods where I'd be
cold
If he did that there would be
bears
They'd eat me up and Mom wouldn’t
care
That’s what he told me I was just a little
girl
This was all I knew It became
my world
From that little girl emerged a
youth
So rebellious, didn’t know what to
do
I was drinking at eleven getting high the next
year
From pot and hash to pills and
beer
Skipping school and telling
lies
I didn’t care I wanted to
die
By then he was gone out of our
lives
The damage was done it cut like sharp
knives
Those cuts never healed for a very long
time
I tried to bury my pain - it’s been a long
climb
13 years old, living in the hood
Little sister to all and it felt real
good
Started to do acid and a bit of
coke
Drinking every day even did a
poke
Stealing cars and running with the
night
I loved that life I was as high as a
kite
Then I turned fifteen and met a
guy
We had a baby and I stopped getting
high
Mom didn’t like him he was older than
me
Sometimes I wish she'd have let it
be
Could it have worked we'll never
know
He died early this year, he OD'd on
blow
I met someone else by the time I was
16
He seemed pretty nice but he could be
mean
He taught me things my own mom
didn’t
He kept his anger and addictions
hidden
I started using the needle that very same
year
Sixteen years old and full of
fear
But the high was so intense I didn’t want to
stop
I felt like I belonged then my whole world
dropped
Seventeen and pregnant my old man went to
jail
Charged with robbery they denied him
bail
Sad and along I thought what the
heck
I finally got caught bouncing
checks
Plead guilty they said and we will give you a
break
Thirty days they gave me, everyone was so
fake
We both were in jail our kids in foster
care
We would clean up our lives when we got out of
there
For the next two years we stayed
clean
My old man was in jail and he wasn’t so
mean
We started selling again "we wont
fall"
We started using again "its just an
eightball"
Soon we were selling everything we had
To support our habit how did it get so
bad?
On a run for over three years and both back in
jail
The judge didn’t listen he wouldn’t give us
bail
Sitting behind bars we now ponder our
fate
How could our lives have been so full of
hate?
No more tears no more
crime
I miss my kids no more
time
I have a little girl and she dresses in
lace
She smells so sweet always a smile on her
face
I have a little boy he is innocent and
sweet
I don’t want them to hurt and go through life like
me
They live with my sister while I learn to be a
mom
I want the best for them Childhood should be
fun
Written in 1994 while in jail
in BC
It is now
2002.
My little girl is hurting and trying to escape from her
pain
I don’t know what to do; I know I am to
blame
If I could turn back time I would hold her so
close
Never let her go, she would always
know
How much she is loved, how special she
is
I don’t want her to go through life like I
did
For now I just watch and call her on the
phone
Let her know she is not
alone
Tell her I love her and she can
call
Anytime I am here should she
fall
I tell her the danger of running from her
pain
I tell her I am sorry I know I am to
blame
My son now lives with me, and he is growing up
fine
He understands what happened, he remembers the
times
I used to get high and act real strange,
He forgives me and knows the addiction was to
blame
He talks to his sister, tries to keep
close
She lives with her dad, misses them
both
One day they will both
understand
Before it’s too late
lace
Laughing and playing with a smile on their
face
They shouldn’t be hurt or sexually
abused
Scared or beaten and physically
used
That’s what he did when I was small
He made me believe it was all my
fault
We had left my dad and my mom married
him
He abused us all what he did was a
sin
My mom she said, "I didn’t
know"
If she had she'd have made him
go
But I had told her once she even walked
in
Chose to turn a blind eye she deserted her
kin
I thought it was normal "every daddy does it,” he
said
"You’re my special girl" He fucked up my
head
Don’t tell anyone - they'll be
jealous
Your mom will bitch - then she'll yell at
us
Thought he'd send me away if I
told
Throw me in the woods where I'd be
cold
If he did that there would be
bears
They'd eat me up and Mom wouldn’t
care
That’s what he told me I was just a little
girl
This was all I knew It became
my world
From that little girl emerged a
youth
So rebellious, didn’t know what to
do
I was drinking at eleven getting high the next
year
From pot and hash to pills and
beer
Skipping school and telling
lies
I didn’t care I wanted to
die
By then he was gone out of our
lives
The damage was done it cut like sharp
knives
Those cuts never healed for a very long
time
I tried to bury my pain - it’s been a long
climb
13 years old, living in the hood
Little sister to all and it felt real
good
Started to do acid and a bit of
coke
Drinking every day even did a
poke
Stealing cars and running with the
night
I loved that life I was as high as a
kite
Then I turned fifteen and met a
guy
We had a baby and I stopped getting
high
Mom didn’t like him he was older than
me
Sometimes I wish she'd have let it
be
Could it have worked we'll never
know
He died early this year, he OD'd on
blow
I met someone else by the time I was
16
He seemed pretty nice but he could be
mean
He taught me things my own mom
didn’t
He kept his anger and addictions
hidden
I started using the needle that very same
year
Sixteen years old and full of
fear
But the high was so intense I didn’t want to
stop
I felt like I belonged then my whole world
dropped
Seventeen and pregnant my old man went to
jail
Charged with robbery they denied him
bail
Sad and along I thought what the
heck
I finally got caught bouncing
checks
Plead guilty they said and we will give you a
break
Thirty days they gave me, everyone was so
fake
We both were in jail our kids in foster
care
We would clean up our lives when we got out of
there
For the next two years we stayed
clean
My old man was in jail and he wasn’t so
mean
We started selling again "we wont
fall"
We started using again "its just an
eightball"
Soon we were selling everything we had
To support our habit how did it get so
bad?
On a run for over three years and both back in
jail
The judge didn’t listen he wouldn’t give us
bail
Sitting behind bars we now ponder our
fate
How could our lives have been so full of
hate?
No more tears no more
crime
I miss my kids no more
time
I have a little girl and she dresses in
lace
She smells so sweet always a smile on her
face
I have a little boy he is innocent and
sweet
I don’t want them to hurt and go through life like
me
They live with my sister while I learn to be a
mom
I want the best for them Childhood should be
fun
Written in 1994 while in jail
in BC
It is now
2002.
My little girl is hurting and trying to escape from her
pain
I don’t know what to do; I know I am to
blame
If I could turn back time I would hold her so
close
Never let her go, she would always
know
How much she is loved, how special she
is
I don’t want her to go through life like I
did
For now I just watch and call her on the
phone
Let her know she is not
alone
Tell her I love her and she can
call
Anytime I am here should she
fall
I tell her the danger of running from her
pain
I tell her I am sorry I know I am to
blame
My son now lives with me, and he is growing up
fine
He understands what happened, he remembers the
times
I used to get high and act real strange,
He forgives me and knows the addiction was to
blame
He talks to his sister, tries to keep
close
She lives with her dad, misses them
both
One day they will both
understand
Before it’s too late